I can feel it breaking…

Posted by: pumkins0up on: June 10, 2008

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This relationship I’m in right now had me in such a whirl.

I love the man, but I don’t know what is happening. I feel that I put in two cents more than he does. I’ve talked to people and a lot of them said the same, that he may take our relationship as a convenient thing. The sex and the girl are fucking convenient. I wish that I wouldn’t have let myself fall so hard for this one. I feel so sick lately. It is the somber feeling that my heart is being picked at with an ice pick. I just feel like crying and throwing up. I knew that he’d be the one that would make a huge impact. I knew that he was going to be my second heartbreak.
I called and left a message with him last night saying that we need to talk about where we are in our relationship. It has been 6 months now. That is a while! I asked him to call me that night when he could. I said that we meet to get together to talk about improving our relationship, that we both need to talk to one another about what we one out of one another.
A text message was all I got. Oh god. I can feel my heart breaking as I type this…
In the text he said, “Don’t worry so much love. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I loves you.”

Bull shit. Someone who loves you will call you for no apparent reason, will take you out on a date, will want to hold your hand, show you off to his friends, call you his girlfriend. He is such a sweet guy. He always makes me smile, and fun to be around. Then there is always the bad to it… he is 25, works at a bookstore not making enough to support himself if he was living by himself, I make more than he does by $4. He drinks with his friends, a lot, he doesn’t call me his girlfriend to everyone he introduces me to! He doesn’t like labels, but what the FUCK!? He introduced me to a girl once as his friend, and she turned to me after he left and asked me if I thought he’d want to go out with her sometime. I fucking said, “Go for it.”

The more I think about it, the more upset I get. I am almost thinking that I should just tell him that we have different views of a relationship and that he obviously doesn’t care about this one and just go. I hate feeling so sick about this. I would hope that if we were to talk, we’d work things out…. I could only hope.

I have a large lump in my throat.

WHAT DO I DO!?
I really would like to keep him around, but maybe it really is time for me time. To just be single and take care of my own problems.

I hate this.

Tags: health, Heartbreak, love, unfortunate